dumbledore vs hermione: the executive-function leaderboard at hogwarts
Here’s the premise: pretend Hogwarts is a psych-lab and we are grading ten characters on five executive-function skills (see table below). Each skill gets a score from 1 to 5. A 1 is bad, a 5 is good. My methodology was simple: reread some key scenes, eyeball the behaviors, write the numbers.
Here’s the key: PL = Planning & organization WM = Working memory INH = Response inhibition FLX = Cognitive flexibility EC = Emotional control.
Ready?
Albus Dumbledore (PL 5 | WM 5 | INH 4 | FLX 5 | EC 5)
Architects a 17-year, prophecy-driven endgame while running a boarding school, making sock jokes, and defusing teenage angst. (Recall that Harry was borderline unredeemable in Order.) Engineers his own demise and then …. keeps managing people from beyond the veil? Inhibition cracks only when family history (Ariana) or when he’s got a crush (Grin-dy). RIP Albus.
Hermione Granger (5 | 5 | 4 | 4 | 4)
Wemby-esque generational talent. Triple-loads her timetable with a Time-Turner and still finds bandwidth to slap Draco. Memory retrieval is GPT-ish, can quote any spell component, any time. Emotional control can wobble under provocation (SPEW), but never enough to sabotage the mission.
Minerva McGonagall (4 | 4 | 5 | 4 | 4)
The mentally-tough COO of Hogwarts. Her inhibition is steel (will never forget the Stunners for Snape the moment students are at risk) yet she pivots from professor to sly co-conspirator when duty calls. Less navel-gazing than Dumbie, she’s the tactician who acts first, reflects later, and almost never needs a mulligan. Infinite respect that her animagus is a kitty.
Severus Snape (4 | 5 | 3 | 3 | 3)
Olympic-level working memory (sustains Occlumency while lecturing) and a 17-year undercover gig. Docked for public bullying, and flexibility just isn’t there: Harry = James 2.0, always and forever.
Tom Riddle / Lord Voldemort (5 | 5 | 1 | 2 | 1)
Von Neumann-level prodigy inventing Horcrux theory in sixth year. But rage is his undoing - he tries a Killing Curse on a baby, then repeats the same move seventeen years later. Zero flexibility; cannot compute sacrificial magic (s/o glorious Lily) and it ruins him. I repeat: Dude really Avada’d an infant.
Harry Potter (2 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 4)
Probably gets an ADHD diagnosis. Under pressure he’s Brunson-esque - consider the stag Patronus at 13, and all of the Voldy battles. Some issues with hypo-focus in History of Magic. And the Ministry heist has no exit plan, and he forgets tents until Hermione rescues logistics. Goal persistence scores high (honoring mom and dad legacy to the very end); executive scaffolding would clean up the rest.
Neville Longbottom (2 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 3)
Hardest one for me to grade because the question is - which Neville are we talking about here? The goofy remembrall-loser or the underground-resistance leader. By book 7 he’s SOMEHOW running the Room of Requirement supply chain. I’ve never seen an arc like this in all my days EF coaching. Shoutout Minerva maybe? Or maybe grandma Augusta?
Luna Lovegood (grading Luna is beneath Luna; I refuse to disrespect her)
The Zenmaster. Calm in Malfoy Manor captivity and shrugs at formal planning; prefers improvisational brilliance and seeing the thestrals. Deep, lovely, and operates outside normal metrics and makes them look small.
Ron Weasley (2 | 2 | 2 | 2 | 2)
Get my guy a coach NOW. Poor Molly. Forgets Prefect badge, loses homework, rage-quits the Horcrux hunt. Yes some flashes of flexibility (chess match, Chamber sword retrieval) that prove the raw material is there, but it can be hard to see under all that jealousy.
Gilderoy Lockhart (1 | 1 | 1 | 1 | 1)
Shiny-object syndrome in wizard form. Task initiation begins and ends with self-promotion; working memory literally wiped out. No metacognitive insight, no spell mastery, perfect cautionary tale. Still love him though.
***
That’s it. Thanks for reading.
Oh and here’s my favorite Harry Potter moment: in the Forbidden Forest, Resurrection Stone in hand, Harry whispers, “Stay close to me,” and his mum steps forward. Shout-out to every mom / mum everywhere for staying close when it matters.
